Why Christians are afraid of sex
Christians are afraid of sex.
It's a commonly held belief in the community and one that I'm not about the refute. All the signs are there - the myriad books that provide advice on how to beat temptation; the pleas for greater censorship of film, music and TV; the sliding scale of sins (with sexual sins the most objectionable). Actually, the entire career of Rev Fred Nile could sum it up quite well.
When Jesus spent the majority of his time attacking hypocrisy, decrying the legalism of the Pharisees and healing people physically and emotionally, it seems funny how much of our time and effort we devote to a far smaller part of his teaching. Have we missed the point?
"...we think that salvation is at least 90 per cent down to us."My theory? (And don't I just love spouting my theories - it's why I became a blogger!) We are afraid of sex because it's stronger than us.
Jesus hated Pharisees - the kind of guys who would pray to God "Thank you that I am not like that tax collector" and would smugly congratulate themselves on how holy they were. I don't know many people like that, but we all fall into the same trap - we think that salvation is at least 90 per cent down to us. We have to earn it through our own efforts and we have to be perfect at the crucial last minute of our lives. Or we're screwed.
That's not what Jesus taught. The whole point of the Old Testament (to my mind) is to show how bad people are at living up to God's commandments. If the Old Testament was a modern-day Christian Living book, it would involve God giving his commandments and then the Jews bravely and boldly overcoming temptation and becoming Good People - possibly involving a vow never to watch MTV again. But it doesn't. They buggered up time and time again. And that was the "good" people like King David, or the prophets. Forget the real troublemakers.
"It's silly, because we were never meant to do this on our own, and it's not even really a battle at all."The law wasn't the cure - it was the diagnosis. It showed that we could never live up to the standards God set. Not even super-spiritual people. Jesus' death was the real cure.
Yet we still think we can beat it. And a lot of the time we can. We can quit smoking through will-power (with some help from Nicorette). Most people don't struggle with not murdering. A lot of our neighbours don't own donkeys, so we don't have to worry about coveting them. But their ass is another matter!
Sex is difficult. Our urges are strong and not particularly well-directed. So keeping God's commandments about lust and adultery and the like become hard. And we fail. Often.
Why? Because we're approaching it all wrong. We've built it up into a battle - us versus the powers of this world that want to feed on our sexual natures. And we're scared, because we're going to lose.
It's silly, because we were never meant to do this on our own, and it's not even really a battle at all. The wounds you might received aren't permanent - God can heal anything and His death covers all your sins, not just the non-sexual ones. The ground you might lose isn't really lost - He can take it back for you if you ask.
So we should keep trying to live life the right way, but don't forget that it's not the be-all and end-all. He will pick your up and help you keep going.
Categories: Gospel
posted by Dave @ 11:20 AM
10 Comments:
Insightful...
But taken out of context your blog could look like you were obsessed with the whole sex thing too...
:-)
But on a serious note - (and at risk of starting another rant):
We forget that, without God's help, we can only choose how we will sin (and even then not reliably anyway). That leaves us in some pretty sad situations:
Which is better:
(1) to smoke, or (2) to congratulate yourself on quitting?
(3) to sleep with someone you're attracted to, or (4) to be so self-righteous that no-one will come near you?
Churchy people would (at a guess) hate (1) & (3), ignore (2) & possibly feel uncomfortable about (4) & not quite know why.
The world around us would hate (4), possibly dislike (1) & think (2) & (3) were fine in most circumstances.
And Jesus? Well he loved all kinds of people, disagreed with people like (4) & had parties with people like (1) & (3). He had serious things to say to people like (2) - he had a gift for putting his finger on the real problem.
A good example is Jesus' encounter with a rich young guy.
The key is not what you're doing, but if you're willing to get help.
Often people in the (2) & (4) categories didn't want help - which is why they frustrated Jesus so much. (They also were claiming to speak for him and doing a crap job.)
I just discovered your post on another blog...
Porteous - get off blogger and go and shag your wife.
dear God... you are obsessed.
Does that make me prophetic?
Or just a 21-year-old male who happens to empathise?
"But taken out of context your blog could look like you were obsessed with the whole sex "
Charming :-/
I think you both make an interesting point. Something to think about, I think, the reason most Christians are afraid of sex, well, females anyway, is that it can have lasting physical and psychological repercussions. It's one of those things that can affect you for a long time. Yes, I agree we can go to the feet of Jesus for forgiveness and healing, and it's great, and we can do that for all sins. I'm not really sure what i'm trying to say here, except, maybe fear isn't such a bad thing. After all, we are called to flee from temptation. I think they key is, if you do stuff up, go to Jesus first, know that He forgives you, and then, forgive yourself and move on.
IMHO I think why Christians are afraid of sex is because of improper understanding.
I blogged about how God's word is like His sperm at http://www.ketiak.blogspot.com/2004_05_09_ketiak_archive.html
Do check it out and tell me your thoughts. Cheers!
What I do not understand is the relationship between temptation and nature. Biologically speaking human beings are ready for sex at 13 or 14, and it appears to be getting earlier. Secondly, sex is a biologically pleasurable experience for human beings caused by a combination of electrical and chemical signaling triggered through stimulation.
Why would God create humans with these characteristics if not to have and enjoy sex?
Is fear of sex really biblical? Or is it instilled through a social construct? I mean, up until the 1960s and 1970s it wasn't socially acceptable for married women to even *enjoy* sex!! They were supposed to lie down on their backs, not express any pleasure, and see to their husbands needs. Anything more than that and you were a whore.
Now I'm not familiar enough with the respective passages in the bible to know how premarital sex is viewed. I know there's religious thought on this matter, particularly in the "hardline religous right" of America as to the need for abstinence etc (but IMHO they're going about it in the completely wrong way). But is this still the way things should be? Should fear of sex continue to be instilled through religion? There is room for interpretation, here.
Surely it is far better to understand the physical and emotional complexities of the act and leave individuals to make up their own minds as to their own preparedness. Particularly as, with education, the physical repercussions of sex, including pregnancy and disease, can be almost eliminated. I don't believe that sex is a temptation to resist, but rather an urge to understand, appreciate and address at one's own pace.
I don't think a categorical view of sex as inherently good/bad wrong/right is appropriate. For example, adultery and lust are different in my view. In the former harm is done to a person through dishonesty. In the latter, there are different repercussions. In some cases the outcome may be pleasure, in others the outcome is emotional confusion. One must be educated in regard to the nature of lust and sex in to understand the potential repercussions, which in the moment may not be so clear.
You also appear opposed to the idea of a sliding scale of sins - well, surely to murder a person is far worse and less forgivable than to give in to lust where no one is harmed. Or is that a societal construct? In what way does religion reflect society, and how does religious thought change with societal values?
I know you don't agree with what I'm saying, but that's what discussion is all about.
Thanks for the comments, Mer.
I couldn't hope to respond to all of them, but here's a few thoughts.
1. I agree that God created sex to be pleasurable and He likes the idea. It's why I don't think it's something we should be afraid of.
2. Like a lot of things that are good in themselves, God's got some ideas about when/where/who they should involve. Doing things the wrong way is the problem, not the act itself.
3. I agree that murder has more drastic consequences than sleeping around (unless you're spreading HIV) and is therefore worse. I just see that there is no sliding scale from God's perspective in that all sin hurts Him and cuts us off - and yet He can forgive anything.
4. I think the feeling that something has to be immediately hurtful and damaging (in a physical or emotional sense) for it to be "sin" is the reason why Christians beat up things like pregnancy and STDs as a reason for abstinence. Fact is, as you say, sex isn't that risky anymore. That doesn't mean there's no problem with it.
5. Given that the problem with sin is the breakdown in relationship with the Big Fella, I don't agree with enforcing Christian morality on non-Christians because it will make little or no difference in their life. But obviously I approve of laws against murder and pedophilia etc because of the social consequences and the fact that most people agree on them.
Phew!
Nice reply. I especially like, "I don't agree with enforcing Christian morality on non-Christians because it will make little or no difference in their life." Great point! To extrapolate, one could argue that everyone has a different relationship with God, and depending upon how you define that relationship and your responsibilities to the big guy upstairs, this will impact on your values and actions.
For me, having dealt with a history of not-particularly great/healthy relationships in the past, I now find it helpful to ask myself when presented with these challenges (more regularly than I care to recollect) if my motives or intentions are "God honouring".
This does not necessariy make things easier, especially being a bloke and out on the town with a couple of Coopers Pales under the belt and chatting with the "ladies" (read with voice of Mixmaster Mike from the Beasties).
So difficult, especially with a world driven by a marketing machine that is based on telling us what we have isn't sufficient, and throwing at us product/service solutions using sex in the infinite number of subtle forms it can. Or TV or movies (some of which I have huge respect/admiration for) that present sexual relationships in the casualised, consumeristic, "what about me?" (read with the voice of Shannon Noll) manner in which they are conducted.
Two people emulating the character of Christ, "Christ centered" if you like, brings about strong, healthy, fruitful relationships.
This powerful experiential evidence is proof to me that Gods plan for humankind and relationships works - and I see other couples in life-long marriages who despite not being christian, have marrieges fundamentally based on christian principles but would not name it as such.
So I see and understand the value of regarding sex as not to be feared, but as precious and something to be cherished with my future wife.
Until then, by Gods grace and help(and I'll need it every moment of the way) I'm chaste until i'm married...
Lifes a bitch and then you die.
Check out my blog on Aropax
Well, Seroxat its called n the UK
http://truthman30.wordpress.com/
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